Monster In Us
by QuietDreamcatcher
Summary: Not quite friends, not yet lovers but something in between. Kylo and Rey come to terms with what their force bond means to them. (Also, Luke just wants them to not try and kill each other during their field mission together.)


**Title: MONSTER IN US**

 **Prompt:** "Kylo…."

"Scavenger"

"I'll leave you two alone" Luke said, "You're giving me a damn headache.

 **Synopsis:** Kylo and Rey come to terms with what their bond means to them.

(Also, Luke just wants them to not kill each other.)

* * *

"You two are leaving tomorrow and I need to know you are going to act like mature adults and be civil with each other."

Luke Skywalker stood between his former students who looked like they were only too happy to force choke each other from across the room. He stared pointedly at both of them but they both ignored him.

Kylo Ren, former master of the Knights of Ren, and Rey, the war hero and slave-turned-savior continued to stare at each other intently. The only indication that they heard Luke's exasperated plea was a raised sardonic brow from Kylo while Rey merely narrowed his eyes at her former enemy.

Luke shook his head, apparently giving up at that notion. "At the very least, I need to know you're not going to try and kill each other."

They were in the Millennium Falcon in a Resistance base discussing Rey and Kylo's field mission tomorrow to the Unknown Regions. However, one sarcastic remark led to a terse reply and what was supposed to be a short briefing snowballed into a tirade of insults between the two young force users.

After months of deliberation, it was agreed upon by the Resistance leaders, at the insistence of Luke, that instead of execution or lifetime imprisonment, it would be more advantageous to their cause if more defectors of the First Order, like Kylo Ren and Finn, are shown to be helping the Resistance. It would cripple the remaining faction of First Order sympathizers if the Resistance can recruit more former stormtroopers and former First Order allies who were initially wary of switching sides.

Despite Kylo's assistance in defeating the First Order and Snoke, it was agreed that Kylo was still too dangerous and unpredictable to be trusted. They assigned Rey to monitor him while he served out his sentence since she was the only one capable of stopping him.

"I don't know…" Kylo Ren drawled, "I _have_ been itching for a rematch of our lightsaber duel."

Rey snorted. "Don't bother, I'm just gonna beat you again."

"You sound pretty sure of that. You think you can beat me without a handicap?"

Rey rolled his eyes at him. "Says the person who I left flat on his back looking up at me, begging for mercy.

Kylo paused at that before his lips stretched into a devilish smile. "Maybe next time I can have _you_ flat on your back begging me for mercy. I mean, you never know with a match like ours."

Rey's face turned red. She spluttered, unable to get her words out through her irritation. "Kylo…."

"Scavenger," Kylo mocked.

"I'll leave you two alone." Luke said, pinching the bridge of his nose. "You're giving me a damn headache." And with that, he turned and left, his heavy footfalls the only sound echoing inside the Falcon as a heavy silence settled between Kylo and Rey.

Rey's eyes followed Luke's retreating back but she could still feel Kylo's gaze on her. Deliberately ignoring him, she turned and walked towards the cockpit, settling herself on the pilot's chair.

Kylo followed her but stopped by the door.

"Okay, seriously, are you going to tell me what's going on with you or do I have to guess?" Rey heard him say behind her.

There was a pregnant pause before Rey said, "I don't know what you mean."

"We got along fine even during the war—"

"Hardly"

"I meant after I defected."

"I know what you meant."

"Fine. We got along _better_ during the months after the First Order's defeat." Somehow, she knew he was rolling his eyes. "You even supported Luke's testimony during my trial."

"Hmph." Rey refrained from replying. He was right. By no means were they friends. But hostilities between them had faded long ago. She can even go as far to say that she was beginning to be at ease in his company.

 _If it just wasn't for…_ she thought regretfully.

"Lately, you've been acting like being assigned to me is the worst thing that ever happened to you." In a deadpan tone, he said, "Care to explain?"

Rey swivelled her chair to look at him. He was donning his usual blank mask. "We'll be sent to ravaged planets in the Unknown Regions. We won't exactly be sent to exotic, luxurious lands for a vacation."

"If you ask that friend of yours, it can't be that much worse than Jakku." Kylo smirked lightening the mood.

Rey couldn't help the laugh that bubbled up inside her at the thought of Finn. "Oh, do shut up your royal highness!"

Kylo's eyes softened at her grin. "Rey…"

She sensed the gravity in his voice this time. Her mirth subsided.

"You may not like it but we're bonded. I can sense your fear of me."

That startled her. "Ben, no." Rey shook her head. "I'm not afraid of you."

Kylo jerked his face away from her. He still couldn't accept the name, albeit for reasons now much more complicated than wanting to cut ties with his family.

But for Rey, it was a name reserved for moments when she wanted to reach out to him, to make him understand, moments such as these. "I feel like I really know you. We can sense each other's mind so much that sometimes… sometimes I don't know where you begin and I end."

Kylo stared at her intently, assessing the truthfulness of her words.

She broke away from his gaze and lowered her eyes to the floor. "I know you're not a threat. I trust myself and my own abilities to sense if you are."

He scoffed. "No. You do see me as a threat. But not physically. No. You're much too strong for that. It's _this_ you are scared of…" He raised a hand towards her. Suddenly, she could feel him reaching out through their force bond, tracing a line through her thoughts.

"Stop!" She felt her reservations tug deep in her belly and she knew he could sense that too. She pushed him out but not completely. She could never really shake him off and it wasn't for the lack of trying.

Kylo drew his hand back. He speared his fingers through his hair in frustration.

"I know the truth you try to deny. You are as much of a mess of emotions as I am. You said that you don't know where you or I end. And that's what scares you, isn't it? This—" his hand gestured to an invisible thread between them "—bond is getting stronger by the day and you're scared about losing yourself."

Rey stood up and straightened her shoulders. "Scared? You can say that. But I'm just sure of an overwhelming anger. Directed at everyone and no one in particular..." Her eyes didn't waver. Her chin tilted up at him in challenge. "I also know it's somehow because of you. If I'm scared it's because no one in their right mind would want to share minds with a monster."

Rey blinked at the familiar insult. She didn't mean to say it but she couldn't take it back. Not when he still deserved it.

Silence lengthened uncomfortably between them.

Kylo's face remained passive but Rey could see the façade for what it was. She was so intuned with everything about him that she saw the slight twitch of his fingers, the hard swallow and the hitch in his breathe.

She softened her tone. "I didn't want to tell you because I _know_ you're trying. But I also know the agony you still feel won't resolve itself immediately." Rey sighed. "You're transmitting your negative feelings through our bond. It can't be helped for now. So I thought I could handle things on my end by myself so you wouldn't need to concern yourself. But apparently, I'm failing miserably at that. I didn't mean to take it out on anybody." She smiled wryly.

Kylo released a pent up breath. "I suspected as much." He sank to the floor, leaning his head on the door frame. "You don't need to work through this alone, you know. Not when I understand what you're going through."

Rey remained silent, waiting for him to continue, fascinated by his willingness to put his walls away. At least for the moment.

His eyes clouded from long ago memories. "I had Snoke whispering things in my head ever since I could remember. I couldn't tell which were my own thoughts and which were his lies. I just felt a darkness I couldn't shake even when I was with people I care about. I needed help but I was alone. At least… that's what it felt like." His eyes roamed the interior of the Falcon where his whole family once gathered. His chin fell to his chest as he wearily pressed his palms to his eyes. "There were so much pain and anger that I lost myself. When I found out that Darth Vader was my grandfather, I clung to that with desperation. He was the only part of me I was allowed to have."

Rey sank to her knees beside him. She didn't have anything to say. How could she? But his words resonated within her. She understood them much more than anyone could ever do.

Their bond felt taught like it was pulling them towards each other. She reached out a tentative hand to touch his arm, needing to feel a physical connection with him. She felt him stiffen but he didn't move away from her touch.

"Ben…"

Kylo flinched but slowly turned to look at her. She was unaware of how her eyes were bright with tenderness and sorrow.

"Rey..." he breathed out her name in a regretful sigh, "You have a forgiving nature. I don't want you to think that any scraps of humanity left in me is deserving of your compassion. I am still a monster like you said."

Kylo let out a sardonic laugh. Harsh and painful to hear. "Do you know how I felt when Snoke died?"

Rey could only shake her head. Her throat felt tight with emotion.

"There was relief. For a while. But nothing really changed for me. His physical body may be gone but his presence is always with me." His voice broke. "He's still here." Kylo started pounding his fists in his temples. " _I can still feel him here_!" He slammed his fist on the floor beside him leaving a dent on the surface.

Rey launched herself at him to stop him from injuring himself. "I'm here! I'm here!" She cried out. "Look!" She captured his hands and laid them on her cheeks, momentarily not caring about the intimacy of her actions. "I'm the one here. We defeated him. Whatever the problems we have now, he's still _gone_."

She reached out to him through their bond. _I'm here. We're the only one here._

Kylo sagged against her. His arms hanging limply by his sides.

She cradled his head on the curve between her neck and shoulder. She could feel his wet lashes pressed against her skin. "We have to stop hiding from each other. It's like you said, we're both an emotional mess. That's why… that's why we need each other to sort this out. We'll keep each other grounded. Things won't always be like this."

"You're too trusting," he mumbled.

"No, I'm not. Far from it." Talking to him like this, Rey's mind felt clearer than it had in days. "But I've been a scavenger, a resistance fighter, a jedi, just so many different things in a short amount of time that I can't help but feel that people can change when given the chance."

When he lifted his head from her shoulder, Rey pressed her forehead to his, closed her eyes and whispered, "Why settle for being a monster when you're being given a chance to be a hero?"

The heaviness in his chest seemed to dissipate. And for once, there was only Rey in his mind.

Kylo's eyes drifted close.

* * *

From inside the base, Luke was meditating when he felt a shift in the air. He opened his eyes and turned his head to the general direction of the Falcon.

A rare smile tugged at the corners of his lips.

"I think they're going to be alright."

* * *

Kylo and Rey were stepping out of the Millenium Falcon when Rey spoke contemplatively as if she was just speaking to herself.

"It's funny…" she said.

Kylo turned to face her. She tilted her head, smiling bemusedly at him.

"I've been alone almost all my life. It's only recently that I had friends, people to trust, a home. I didn't have those before and everything seemed to happen all at once. All those still feel so foreign to me."

Kylo contented himself with observing her as he waited for her to continue. She seemed more like herself now. He couldn't help but feel that he too felt lighter somehow.

"But then there's you. We're barely even friends so I don't know _what_ we are. But you've become an indispensable part of me. You're in my blood and waking thoughts. I don't know if it's because of the force bond or…"

"Or what?" he asked quietly after her words just trailed off. He was staring at her with so much fascination. "Rey?"

Their bond pulsed steadily between them but her heart thumped erratically in her sternum.

Rey shrugged trying to seem nonchalant but a heat was spreading from her neck to her cheeks. They had promised not to hide anything from each other so she forced the words out. "Or it's just me… who just can't help thinking about you."

Silently, Kylo raised a hand and tugged a wayward lock of her hair behind her ear.

 _I don't deserve you._

The words floated in her mind. She didn't know if he meant for her to hear that. So she said nothing.

"So…Our mission tomorrow."

"What?" Rey blinked torpidly at the sudden change of topic.

"Our mission tomorrow." Kylo repeated. "Is that how you plan to introduce me to foreign leaders?" He raised a brow at her, mischief in his eyes. "As _not_ your friend?"

Rey gave a surprised laugh, crinkling her eyes and nose. "It's not a bad plan. Maybe with such a weird introduction, they'll take pity on us and listen to what we say."

"Or maybe." Kylo captured both her hands. "We can work on us being friends so someday you can tell them we're _that_ instead." He gave her a half smile. "Or something like that."

There was nothing platonic in the gaze he fixed on her. She suddenly had a hard time swallowing the lump in her throat.

"Maybe…" She gave his hands a reassuring squeeze. "Maybe something like that."

 **End?**

* * *

 _Not really friends, not yet lovers but something in between._

 _A/N:_ _This is my first try at Reylo. what do you guys think?_


End file.
